Duolingo gets. me.

How’s your week going?

And just like that, it’s all over. My dreams of Bear Films (link so totally NSFW) stardom have been crushed. Ha, ha.

I knew it was a long shot when I first applied. I think it would have been nice to have gotten a little feedback (you’re too old, you didn’t have a scene partner already, etc.). But, all in all, I am pretty proud of myself for going this far into the submission process. I almost didn’t send that last batch of information/naked photo in.

“What spurred this somewhat out-of-the-blue attempt to get yourself XXX video-ed on a larger scale?” you might ask. Well, I have always had a fascination with porn (be it on screen or behind the scenes). And, the truth is … I have kinda been doing it on a small scale for over a year now. Trying to do it on a larger scale seemed like the (somewhat) logical next step.

In mid-2022, a fellow graphic designer friend and I started talking about OnlyFans and what kind of chutzpah it would take to start a page there. I was already lurking there and following a few creators, so I had a slight idea of what was involved. My friend agreed to shoot some photos for me and I got busy trying to get age verified so that I could post adult content. Coming up with the porn name was actually the easiest part of the whole thing. The idea, initially, was to have a paid subscription page but I ultimately decided to set it as free and tell folks that tips were welcome. I just couldn’t see people paying money without knowing what they were getting.

The page went live in November of 2022. Right now it’s a mixture of the super nice pictures that my friend has shot and the DIY photos and videos that I do myself. I had planned to have videos with other guys, but that has not come to fruition yet. It’s easy if you work with other OnlyFans creators (because they are already verified as well). Anyone not in their system has to jump through the age verification hoops (which can be pesky). But finding content creators in my neck of the woods has been a bust so far. Maybe that will change.

I haven’t made as much money in tips as I would like to. I currently consider this to be more of a naughty hobby. And my friend has enjoyed stretching his photography skills in a different direction. Speaking of … he and I need to shoot some more quality photos sometime soon. Gotta keep the (currently 481 … more than I ever thought I would get) subscribers happy!

Don’t like clicking (also totally NSFW) links? OnlyFans even generates a QR code for fans to use to get to your page!

So, there you have it. Now, what you choose to do with this information is up to you.

Sheesh. I look up and suddenly three weeks have gone by since my last post. Where does the time go?

There’s not really any update as of yet on my sure-to-skyrocket porn career. A few weeks after I submitted my application, I got an email from the company’s production manager asking if I was still interested and available. I responded with a “yes.” A few more weeks went by and I got another email last week. This one was, again, asking about interest and availability. It also had a list of questions to be answered (dates available, preferred sexual role, was a scene partner already available, etc.). It also asked for a current full-body shot. Fun, fun. I debated about what the fuck I was doing over the weekend and ended up sending the requested info and naked picture back to the production guy this past Monday. The email said they give preference to guys who can come in with a scene partner already picked out and ready to go … which is something I don’t have. So, we shall see what happens.

So … I might have done a thing a few weeks ago.

At the urging of a friend, I ended up in the Bear Films Casting system quite a few years ago. I heard nothing for a few years and then they contacted me about filming. I couldn’t do the filming at that time but I have remained in their system and get the occasional email about casting/filming opportunities.

Well, I got an email a few weeks ago about them casting for a filming session that they are doing in Atlanta at the beginning of March. I thought about it for a few days and (with the encouragement of the important people in my life) decided to submit my application. A porn name (which I already have … maybe some more on that later), a few naked pictures (including a closeup of my hard cock), and a lot of details about what I am willing to do on camera … and the application was off and running.

I haven’t heard anything yet. I kinda figure they will reach out sometime in the next week or so if they are, indeed, interested. So, I guess we will see what happens.

This is a post I have struggled with the idea of even writing. It’s been several months now and I still don’t think I have grieved or processed what happened.

Reed E. Campbell II is gone.

He died by suicide sometime in the early morning of Wednesday, October 18, 2023. His landlord sent me a Facebook message saying she had received an email from Reed (sent around 2 a.m.) stating his intention. As soon as she saw the email Wednesday morning, she called 911 for a welfare check. We talked on the phone as she awaited word from the police. But our worst fears were confirmed. Reed had timed it so that nothing could be done to stop him. By the time his landlady saw the email when she got up that morning and the police got to the house, he was already gone. I am not sure what specifically drove him to do this. He presented to me like everything was okay. His landlady sent me a screenshot of the email Reed sent which I now wish I hadn’t seen. It didn’t offer any answers; only a frank statement about how he “couldn’t go forward any longer” and a very cold list of the things he had done to leave the house so that she didn’t have a lot of work to do and so that it would as ready as possible for new tenants.

Reed had sent me a cheesecake he made for my birthday the week before. I still had a few pieces left in the refrigerator when he died. We had chatted on Monday and Tuesday of that week via Messenger. Nothing seemed really out of place with his messages. I talked to his friend, Mike, that Wednesday night. Mike indicated that Reed was struggling with his job and financial situation, which might be what influenced his decision. I don’t know for sure. I will never know.

I am surprised he did this, but also not.

Reed had struggled with mental health issues ever since I met him. In my years of knowing him, he had one “cry for help” attempt, another very serious attempt which the paramedics managed to save him from, and once when he recognized the downward spiral he was in and sought treatment before he got to the point of suicide. He seemed to be doing better with therapy and meds over the last few years, so I was hoping this would never happen. But, it did.

You know they say about hindsight. It seems like some signs were there. David and I went down to visit him (he lived two hours from us) in mid-late August for his birthday. He looked unkempt (like he wasn’t taking care of himself), the house wasn’t clean, and the yard was massively overgrown (which he said was due to the lawn mower breaking a few weeks before … but that yard had months of growth on it). A week or so after we saw him, he posted on Facebook about needing to rehome his cat. When David and I both quizzed him about this, he ignored our messages and deleted the post. So, I think he had been planning this for some time. And the Monday before he died, he sent me all his recipes via Dropbox. It wasn’t odd for him to send me files for safekeeping in case his hard drive crashed. That afternoon he kept offering tips and tricks about the recipes in case I ever wanted to make them. It weighs on my mind that he sent me those recipes and offered the cooking advice knowing what he was going to do in a few days.

I met Reed back in the late 2000s via bigmusclebears.com (a precursor to apps like Scruff and Grindr). After messaging a bit, we decided to go out on a date. He lived in Anderson, SC, and drove up to Asheville, NC for us to meet. We hit it off but, after a couple of dates, I decided he was probably going to be a little too high-maintenance. We became good friends because of our shared tastes in music, movies, design, porn, and art.

Reed was an awesome guy. He had this really snarky attitude but was super generous to his friends. He loved all things crass and offensive. His wi-fi network was named something like “Satan’s Asshole” solely to shock and offend his neighbors. He always pronounced Versace as “Versayce” because he loved Showgirls so much. Reed also loved to cook. He was always making cheesecakes for special occasions and shipping them here. He knew I loved raw biscuit dough and would send some along with the cheesecakes.

Reed’s proudest achievement was the massive library of digital music he has acquired. It was called The iTunes Ministry (originally called The iTunes Mafia). There were several of his friends (myself included) that would share music files with him and he always was sending new and interesting music out to us. I was introduced to so much cool music because of Reed.

I think I am going to stop here. I am sorry if this has been rambly and inarticulate. A few paragraphs of words will never do justice to him and his friendship with me. I thought writing about Reed would somehow lift some of the sadness but it seems to only be intensifying it. It is always hard to realize just how intertwined your life is with someone else’s after they are gone. It makes me feel like I should have been there more for him these past few years instead of being wrapped up in my own struggles with where life has gone since 2019.

There will be a service for him on Friday, March 8 in Anderson, SC.

Sheesh. It’s been almost a month already since my last post. Where does the time go?

My 52nd birthday hit last October. I used to be so excited for birthdays to roll around so that I could be the center of attention for one day. Nowadays, not so much. Anyhoo … I did get some super cool presents this year … including a swank new cock ring, Nasty Pig Core Jockstrap, and a Nasty Pig Union Suit. I have ALWAYS wanted a union suit. Not pictured is the Puppy Hood, dildo, and a super comfy jockstrap. So, yeah. The birthday presents were all pretty naughty-centric. Yay!

During the last election cycle, the race for the local aldermen and mayor seats was VERY contentious. A group of super-conservative anti-everything people were running against all the incumbents. That led to the rise of a super-liberal group on Facebook called Woke Waynesville. After the election was over and the conservative jerks had to pound sand, Woke Waynesville changed its name to IDEA of Haywood (Inclusion, Diversity, and Equity Alliance). They had a logo design contest … and guess who won!

In the run up to Christmas, a group of us finally made it to trivia at our favorite local bar (where Michelle and I often rock karaoke on Wednesdays). Our first time at trivia and we won! Pretty exciting!!! We had big plans to get back and win again but illness and tourist visas foiled those plans. Dammit.

And yeah, the holidays still make me grumpy.

But, I did get a tasty IHOP breakfast at one point.

And, I bought too many records pre-Christmas. Here they are drying after a nice wet wash. Good Lord. That dining room table is too messy.

Anyhoo. That’s some of the fun that’s been happening. Keep it in the middle of the road, people.