The Motions

Hey all.

I am indeed still alive. June and July turned into quite the shitshow with having COVID and just dealing with the general crappiness of life right now. I guess I could go into lots of detail, but I don’t want to right now. Suffice it to say, I have been dealing with my usual feeling of inadequacy, unattractiveness, inability to be more assertive, the general stress of life and relationships, and a situation where I was lied to by a friend about a something I still harbor a lot of hard feelings about.

So, for the time being, I am going through the motions by putting on a smile and acting like everything is okay.

Anyhoo … I am still alive. I just need to get back in the posting rhythm!

The Motions

Fifth Wave

Remember when I said, “It’s hard not to feel like the universe has it in for you when shit like this happens?”

This happened last weekend just in time to fuck over my first 3-day weekend of the year.
COVID!

Yep. That’s a positive COVID test. I have been honestly surprised at the number of people who had no idea what this was. Maybe my friend circle doesn’t have the need to test themselves as much as David and I do? Who knows.

I guess I should count myself lucky that I made it into Year Three before getting it. But, it has really sucked even with being vaccinated and double boosted. I woke up sick last Saturday and it’s taken until today for me to feel halfway human again. I know, I know. I should count my blessings since so many people haven’t seen the other side of catching COVID.

But, this week, I feel like wallowing in self-pity because nothing ever seems to work out right anymore. This makes the second time this year that days off from work have been fucked over by illness. I also found out that expressing hurt feelings can fuck you over because nobody listens or wants to take the time to actually talk to you about what’s going on before they dismiss you as a complainer or someone with ill intent.

Okay. That is enough vague whining. It’s time I snuggle back down into the black hole of COVID isolation.

Fifth Wave

*Drools!*

A new David Cronenberg film? Yes, please!

*Drools!*

Hey. Hi. Hello.

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Not much has been going on here other than my standard “work, eat, sleep, be depressed” routine. I have not had much energy about posting here (shocker!) because day in and day out seems to be the same ole, same ole.

I did actually have a vacation scheduled last month … to a gay campground in Florida! But, guess who got sick with strep the day before we were supposed to fly down. You guessed it. I ended up home sick and missed the vacation while David got to go. It’s hard not to feel like the universe has it in for you when shit like this happens.

During REI’s member discount sale, I did finally pull the trigger on a new sleeping pad for my backpacking adventure. You can see in the pictures that the new pad packs much, much smaller than the Thermarest that I have been carrying for 20+ years. Over the past three years, I have managed to replace all my old gear. The only thing I want now is a more compact camp stove (and maybe a lightweight camp chair) and I will be fully set!

And … I am stupid excited to finally have acquired a copy of Austra‘s debut album, Feel it Break, on vinyl. I have been looking for a copy of this for quite a while. Whoo!

And, yeah. Sunrise in the mountains never gets old …
Sunrise

In movie news … Robert Eggers’ The Northman opens next week and I can’t fucking wait!

Hey. Hi. Hello.

Stockholm-ed

How fucked in the head must you be to feel like quitting a job you didn’t particularly like anymore (and that you feel undervalued your time and talent while you worked there and now allows your work to be bastardized by your replacement) was probably the biggest mistake you ever made in your life?

Jesus. I need therapy.

Stockholm-ed

FWP [Monday Edition]

Criterion is shipping out a replacement disc for the Citizen Kane 4K and standard Blu-ray sets due to an encode issue. I got a shipping notification on January 7 and this is what the tracking still says 17 days later.

USPS Sucks

I am not sure if this is a Criterion issue or a USPS issue … but this frustrates me endlessly. And, yes … I know this is totally a privileged, first-world problem thing.

Meanwhile … the sunrise (as seen from the Walmart parking lot) yesterday morning was quite pretty.

Sunrise 01-23-22

FWP [Monday Edition]

Mid-Winter Blahs

Yeah. I am officially stuck with a case of the mid-winter blahs. The weather has been too cold to get out and do anything outdoorsy and I am tired of being stuck inside. The weekly Saturday Firepit sessions with Shortlegs and Co. are currently on hold because the weather has been too cold, rainy, or snowy for us to gather. It’s my sanity break for the week and I miss it terribly. C’mon, spring!

Speaking of snow … we ended up getting about 9″ last Sunday! It’s about time we got some of the fringe benefits of winter.
Snow 2022
Snow 2022

A few weeks ago, I finally bit the bullet and upgraded my trusty iPhone X to a spankingly new iPhone 13 Pro. I am now in debt on the damn thing for 2-12 years! Sheesh. It’s almost like having a car payment. I initially had buyer’s remorse but eventually got over that. The camera alone was worth the upgrade. *drools*
iPhone 13

I was reshelving some movies last week and made a fun discovery. I managed to buy TWO copies of the Criterion Collection edition of Alan J. Pakula‘s The Parallax View. I had bought a copy at the B&N Sale in November but had (apparently) forgotten that fact. When I rewatched Klute one day, I thought about how I needed a copy of The Parallax View for my collection and ordered a copy off Amazon. Talk about feeling stupid when I realized what had happened. Hopefully, this isn’t a sign that senility is setting in.
Dumbassery

We did get out earlier this week and caught the new Scream film. I really dug it! It had chills and thrills and even made me cry at one point. Out of all the horror franchises out there, I think the Scream franchise is my favorite one. Get thee to the theater to see it!
Scream 2020

Work has been horrifyingly slow the past few weeks. I hope in the long term it doesn’t mean that I am about to be unemployed. In the short term what it means is that the workdays feel long and the work weeks feel even longer. Ugh.

And, finally … There’s lots of good music on the way this spring with new albums from Ghost, Midlake, and Daniel Rossen (of Grizzly Bear fame) on the horizon.

Mid-Winter Blahs

Crushin’

Life continues to be a bit of a slog. The workweeks just seem to drag on FOREVER.

Well … at least Christmas is over! There is one more weekend of holiday shenanigans (wherein we will hopefully not get Omincron-laced COVID) and then we are into the doldrums of winter. Yay.

We did attend a big Christmas party at the beginning of the month and I went to a short family gathering on Christmas Eve and a rather lengthy Christmas Day dinner at a friend’s house (10 people were in attendance).

This might be me tipsy and in a Santa hat after too many vodka tonics before dinner. I guess there are worse ways to spend the evening.

Tipsy on Christmas

It’s hard not to feel paranoid about social interaction these days and I must confess to being jealous of those people who can put the worry of potential illness aside. The slightest headache or sniffle sends me into a fit of worry about whether I have COVD or not.

And, yeah. The beard is in serious need of a trim.

I got some cool presents (movies and books and such) this year … and I also received some end-of-the-year cash from the bosses. Whoo! So, while we were in Asheville last night, we stopped into my favorite movie store. I had been in last week and had found used copies of Wong Kar-Wai’s Fallen Angels and Happy Together on the shelf. These are the Kino Lorber releases that are seriously OOP. I have been pretty keen on locating copies of these after the revisionist debacle that World of Wong Kar-Wai ended up being. I didn’t buy them last week, so I was pretty excited to see that they were still on the shelf last night. $50 total for both movies! I have yet to see these listed for under $80 each on eBay or the Amazon marketplace. And somebody has this exact set listed for $280 on eBay. I am guessing the movie store didn’t quite know what they had on their hands. Ha, ha. Christmas Cash FTW!

Wong Kar Wai Double Feature

We’ve been going to this movie store for a while, and I had started to develop a crush on one of the employees. He’s punkish. He has tattoos. He’s a film nerd. A trifecta of awesomeness! When we walked in last week, Siouxise and the Banshee’s Juju was playing through the store’s sound system. Then it switched to Siouxise and the Banshee’s Tinderbox (my most favorite album of all time). Then it switched to a few songs by The Cure. Then is switched to the Cocteau Twins’ first album, Garlands (arguably the least liked by most fans … though I think it’s totally aces!). Guess who was behind the counter controlling the tunes. My Film Nerd Crush! So, now my wee “in-store” crush has blossomed into a full-blown “I want to watch movies and listen to records with you” crush. Oh, well.

Ah, life. It’s been a while since I have totally crushed on a store employee (remember the Cute Bookseller?).

Next stop … 2022 and hopefully a new iPhone 13 Pro (which will take years to pay for).

Crushin’

Fri-YAY!

Jesus. This has been the LONGEST WEEK EVER!

Nothing terribly exciting to report from here. It’s been the same old “wake, treadmill, eat, struggle through the work day, eat, sleep” routine. I guess old fart status has really been attained since I am in bed by 9:00 every night. Sheesh. I am still struggling with my mood too. It’s in full on yo-yo mode. Yay. That also makes the days fun and probably contributes to wanting to be in bed early.

Months ago, I signed up for OnlyFans and have a page there complete with semi-anonymous name (though my scowling mug can be seen clearly). For some reason (probably the desperate need for validation), I keep circling back to the idea of posting some content there. But, would anyone want to subscribe for free, let alone pay for content (which would be the ultimate goal)? More importantly, do I have the time to self-promote and talent to make anything hot enough to get said subscribers and cash?

Ah, well.

Meanwhile, I could resist buying this film nerdy shirt. Paul Verhoeven doesn’t get enough credit for the years of awesome movies he has given us. Seriously!
Paul Verhoeven Shirt

Plus, it’s been pretty exciting to find out that The Fixx have released a new single and will have a new album out next year. Give the new single a listen. I command it!

Fri-YAY!