Dear Mr. Evans,

It’s been a while since I have written you because you’ve been laying low. I haven’t seen you in any movies lately though I do know that you have a big one opening next week. Maybe that’s where you have been … off hitting the gym everyday to buff up your already perfect body for the reprise of the role of Johnny Storm. In fact, you are the only reason I will plunk down my hard earned cash to see “Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer.” I am sure that your shirtless scene(s) and overall charm will elevate the movie to being a wee bit more than total trash.

As always, if you need a break from all the zaniness of Hollywood stardom, you are more than welcome to drop by my mountain retreat anytime you want to. I promise that your stay would be most enjoyable!

Lust-ily yours,
Chas.