That saying about idolizing someone always proves to be true. It’s been nearly three years since the big red flag. And now it’s been eight months or so since she fully came out, and I am still struggling. Not so much with denial. It’s all in black and white on her Twitter (I refuse to call it X) feed. I can’t deny that my favorite singer and performer is a nasty, hateful, transphobic piece of trash. I have anger because she courted the queer community and used us for her art. I have anger because she is freely punching down on a vulnerable community. I have anger because she has said some really disgusting and hateful things to longtime fans who have expressed their hurt and confusion over her coming out as viciously transphobic. I have anger that she thinks she is some brave free speech “warrior” who has been cancelled by the “woke mob.” I have anger that she was probably always an awful person all along and duped us all into believing she was an ally. And, I have a lot of depression because I now can’t listen to the music that I loved and has been such a part of my life for the last 7+ years.