I am soooooooo obsessed with this movie right now.

Fuck that new version of “Black Christmas.” The classic version from 1974 is the way to go. Everything about this production is top notch from Bob Clark’s direction to the great acting to that eerie musical score. This movies also contains one of the scariest images I have ever seen in any horror movie. The tone of “Black Christmas” is very plain creepy from the very start. The movie takes it’s time setting up the charcters and then taking them out one by one. The “obscene” phones calls truly are the stuff of nightmares. The killer really is one of the greatest villians ever put to screen. You never really find out his motivations or backstory (a thing I really admire about this movie). When you finally do see “Billy,” you only get to see his eye and one of his hands which makes him all the more terrifying. He’s like that killer that chases you in your bad dreams. You know he’s out to get you, but you never can quite see him.

So, my advice to you is: Get a copy of “Black Christmas” and curl up under a blanket on the couch and make this holiday season a killer one.

When watching “Blade: Trinity” there are only two things you need to know.

1. Mute the sound totally as the dialogue is really, really bad.
2. Scan forward to any scene featuring Ryan Reynolds and his fantastic formed biceps and totally lickable abs (especially when he’s chained to the floor). Grrrrrrr!

And now for your viewing pleasure … the final minutes of one of the greatest movies of the 1980’s … “Elvira: Mistress of the Dark!”

Yes. Yet another remake of a classic horror film is upon us. I really dig the original 1974 “Black Christmas” that Bob Clark directed. About the only thing that makes this remake look interesting is that it’s written and directed by Glen Morgan … of Morgan and Wong fame.

I finally watched “Silent Hill” this past weekend. It’s a movie that I had planned on seeing in a movie theater when it was released but things just kept me from going. I wish now that I had made it. The widescreen images would have been really sweet up there on the big screen.

I liked “Silent Hill” a lot. I have come to think of it less as a “horror” film and more of a dark fantasy or nightmare that you can’t wake up from. It’s all pretty bleak.

It’s kinda like “The Cell” only with a lot better acting (J-Lo you suck!) and story.

Sharon has been adopted by Rose and Chris but she has started having mood altering nightmares and keeps calling out “home” and “Silent Hill.” So, Rose decides the way to end all this is to take Sharon to Silent Hill and find out just what the heck is going on. Can we guess that it’s not the best idea? There’s a car wreck and Sharon disappears into the town. Can Rose find Sharon in the nightmare maze of Silent Hill before it’s too late?

The movie unfolds at it’s own pace as Rose unravels the clues to find Sharon and the who/what/when/where/how of Silent Hill. It’s very much like the video game in that respect as a trail of clues leads from on horrific locale to another. I do wish there had been a few more of the monsters that make the game such a fright fest (and trust me … the game is terrifiying in spots). But there is only so much you can pack into a two hour film. The filmakers did choose some really specific images from the game to use in the film which was cool. You get the idea that they wanted to stay true to the game yet take it just a step beyond. The addition of the underground coal fire (ala Centralia, PA) is a cool addition to the story. It’s all about the atmosphere. There’s a killer cast (Radha Mitchell, Sean Bean, Laurie Holden, Deborah Kara Unger and Alice Krige) that also helps step things up a notch as well.

I have read some reviews where folks have complained that the movie makes no sense. I am not sure where this is coming from as the film even has a “here is what has happened and that is why this is happening” segment late in the film. It all seemed pretty straight forward to me. Or maybe it’s because I loved the really sweet visual style of the movie that I can let certain things slide.

So, yeah. “Silent Hill.” I dug it.

Six women go caving. Six women get trap by a cave-in. Six women discover they are not alone in the dark. Repeat: In the dark.

“The Descent” is one of the better horror films to come along in a long time. It works on quite a few levels. First, you have the relationships between the women. Everything begins good and then the tension starts once the cave-in hits. Secondly is just the fact that they are caving. It’s dark, dank and very claustrophobic down there. The feeling of unease and dread is already pretty damn high before the monsters even make their appearance. When they do (oh, man … it’s pretty cool!) that’s when all all the gore and mayhem starts. Like most other current horror films, the gore factor is pretty high in “The Descent” once it gets there. Those Crawlers are just plain nasty. A woman behind us in the theater kept squealing and gagging all through the end of the movie. Heh.

Who will be strong or lucky enough to make it out? Well, that you just gotta find out for yourself.

Now, here’s the kicker. The version is U.S. theaters has a truncated end. It’s missing the 1 minute continuation that ends the original British version. I really hate that this was done (thanks again, Lionsgate) as the original ending fits so much better with the tone of the film. It also wraps up a plot device that just gets totally dropped in the American version. If you have seen the film and want to check out the original ending, you can thanks to YouTube.

As for complaints about the movie … I have a major one. There is a plot device that pits two of our women against each other. I usually find that a horror film isn’t the greatest venue for that sort of thing. I can’t honestly buy that folks would stop to hash out their differences while being chased by a pack of nasty, flesh-eating cave dwellers. This plot point is a slightly less offensive in light of the original ending but just didn’t work for me as presented in the American version.

Bottom Line:
Definitely worth checking out. It gave me the willies.

I am looking forward to seeing “Slither” (featuring Nathan Fillion!).

The reviews for the remake of “The Hills Have Eyes” seem to be off base for the most part. Alexandre Aja (Writer/Director of “Haute Tension”) delivers the goods and then some. It’s a very solid thrill ride with plenty of cheap thrills and buckets of blood and gore.

I have found it interesting that some reviewers who praised “Hostel” as being hardcore have lambasted “The Hills Have Eyes.” Trust me … “Hills” is the movie that “Hostel” promised us and never delivered.

Aja showed lots of promise with “Haute Tension.” That film was basically an exercise in using gore to help ratchet up the overall dread of the film. “The Hills Have Eyes” gives Aja a good chance to do something with a little more character and lot more with the gore. I found the violence in “Hills” to be a lot more vicious than that of “Haute Tension.” It makes me wonder if the MPAA harder on “Haute Tension” because it’s a foreign film and has let “Hills” slide a little more because it’s American.

I did like that the remake makes more sense of some of the plot points that never really worked in the Wes Craven version. The car wreck that strands the Carters in no-man’s land isn’t totally silly like before. Plus it’s nice to see the gas station owner be more active in getting the story rolling. The fact that our inbred, mutant cannibals are the by products of nuclear testing is a wee dull and standard … but it give us a great final act in a nuclear test site full of buildings and creepy 50’s style mannequins. That was fun! Some of the reviews have cried “foul” and have tried to make the argument that the filmmakers have a “message” about the effects of nuclear testing. Ummm, no. Aja isn’t on a soap box. He’s just using the nuclear issue as a basis not as a rallying cry. Those cannibals are evil and have no qualms about killing your mother and then pulling out her entrails for a light snack.

There are a few problems. There’s a pretty major scene that should have been in the film but is only referenced after the fact. I can only imagine that it ended up on the cutting room floor for some reason. Missing from the film also a family structure for our killers. To me that seems pretty important as the film’s thrust is Carter Family verses Cannibal Family. It works to set up the killers better as they aren’t all so random like so many other horror films treat the villains. Plus, it helps make Ruby’s act of defiance in the final act all the more plausible.

The acting is good all the way ’round. It real shame though that Emile de Ravin (of “Lost” fame) has nothing better to do than act totally hysterical after the first attack. Her character never really gets a chance to redeem herself past a cheap shot at the very end of the film.

So, hell yeah! There’s messy gunshot wounds, pick axes to the head, munched on entrails, eviscerated dogs, gnawed off arms, burned bodies and a baby that could potentially be lunch! “The Hills Have Eyes” was pretty rockin’ in my opinion.~