When TNT announced it’s new miniseries version of “‘Salem’s Lot” it sounded like a dream come true … especially boasting a cast featuring Rob Lowe, Donald Sutherland, Rutger Hauer, Samantha Mathis and James Cromwell. But, even that cast can’t save this pile of smelly poop. I am a huge fan of the book. Maybe that’s my main problem. But even so, this version is filled with so many plot holes and jumps and general silliness. Your loved one turned into a vampire? Well, don’t kill her ’cause she just might revert back to human! Someone trying to blackmail you? Well, forget those vampires for a few and pay off that debt! Your vampire master has been destroyed? Hey, you can always go to Detroit and work in a soup kitchen! Argh. It’s just more “horror” for today’s ADD television viewer. Skip it.

There something to be said for a good “gross out” movie. It looks like “High Tension” is gonna be that kind of film, and I, for one, can’t wait! Now, don’t get me wrong. I generally like my horror to be more subtle ’cause I think scares work better that way. But occassionally I just have to go in for a ball-to-the-wall splatter fest. Yeah! They’re visceral. They make you cringe. They make you look away in disgust. Whoo! If Lion’s Gate doesn’t weenie out before June, “High Tension” will be the first movie to receive an NC-17 for violent content. And that’s a good thing.

Yeah. I am getting really excited about this movie. I love haunted house movies. And there are so very few good ones out there. “The Haunting” (1963) and “The Changeling” are two of the best that immediately leap to mind. I pumped about this one ’cause it has Mr. Reynolds and ghosts and children in peril and ghosts and craziness and Mr. Reynolds and ghosts. Plus, it’s gotten an “R” rating. That means we should be seeing some nice blood and gore. Yes! Pre-release buzz is starting to turn pretty good for “The Amityville Horror” (but that can be misleading … remember “Saw” had good press). The official site has finally been updated. So, check ‘er out. Anyhoo … I heart me some ghosts … and some Ryan Reynolds.

Cary Elwes and Leigh Whannell (a tie!) for Worst Acting in a Major Motion Picture for “Saw.” What sealed the deal for Academy members were 1) Mr. Elwes’ brilliantly overdone “breakdown” towards the film’s end 2) Mr. Whannell entire performance in the film. How could the voters possibly choose between them? Mr. Elwes’ next project will be yet another crappy movie and Mr. Whannell will steal the money out of horror fans’ pockets with a sequel to “Saw.”

After having seen “Ju-On” a couple of months ago, I have been dead curious to see the American remake. It boasts the same director and story with the add in of American actors. Does it live up to the original?

Yes … and no. I personally felt that some of the enhanced “visual” scares were pretty sweet. But the trade off is a movie that is way more polished than its predecessor. Gone is all subtlety … all the mystery. I guess the filmmakers felt that there had to be an explanation for everything that happens in the story … which does take some of the edge off. I don’t care why the house is haunted. Just scare me. The addition of American actors was distracting as well. It seemed way too contrived that so many Americans would be involved in the same chain of evens.

Sam Raimi says in the “making of” footage that the reason he was interested in producing a remake was that many people would be so turned off to seeing a Japanese film. He loves the original and wanted to bring it to American audience. So, what you ultimately end of with is a pretty redundant movie in terms of story and visuals. Some shots are almost exactly the same as shots in “Ju-On.”

So, if you have seen “Ju-On” you can skip “The Grudge” and you won’t be missing anything. If you haven’t seen either, definitely pick up “Ju-On” for a viewing.