Hostel: A Review

Hostel: Another Eli Roth Piece of Crap
Let me say this right off the bat … Eli Roth is not the salvation of the modern horror film. It’s that simple. My only guess as to his “success” is that he is someone’s nephew or he’s sucking the right person’s cock. His first film, “Cabin Fever,” was awful all the way around from the script to the directing of the film. “Hostel,” Roth’s second film, is better in terms of a consistant style, tone and better directing but it still suffers from a lot of plot elements that just don’t gel and ultimately undo the film.

The Story:
“Hostel” is about two American friends who go on a backpacking trip to Europe, and they’re looking for excitement, girls and drugs. Someone tells them that if they want to meet girls, they got to go to Slovakia; he tells them about this hostel where there are tons of beautiful girls who’ll have sex with anyone who’s a foreigner. So these two guys and their Icelandic friend go to this place, and it turns out to be true; but then the next day [they find themselves] in a whole lot of trouble and we realize there’s something really horrible, awful and sick going on there.

Eli Roth seems to be under the impression that lots (and I mean LOTS … I haven’t seen so many breasts in a film since “Showgirls”) of tits, ass, sex and some gratuitous violence will make a horror film good. Um, no. It doesn’t quite work that way. There have to be some scares in there or what’s the point. I thought that “Haute Tension” did an excellent job of ratcheting up the the scare with the violence. In “Hostel” it’s all just window dressing for ole Eli to play with boobies and blood for an hour and a half. Sure, I squirmed a little at certain points, but the violence is nowhere near as graphic as you al led to believe from all the internet hype. There are a few choice shots of gore with the rest being suggested by quick editing. Overall the acting in the movie is good, so I have no complaints there.

The set up is totally sketchy. That the three backpackers would take the advice of a total stranger and run off to Slovakia for an easy lay seems a wee bit of stretch. When all the badness starts happening, two of our three leads are dead and gone by the halfway point. All that is left is for our hero to walk into the nightmare only to stumble through a series of events that allows him to escape and get revenge on all the folks that put him in the situation in first place. He even manages rescue a Japanese girl who we don’t really care about anyway as she’s on screen for two minutes before reappearing later in the torture chamber. As with “Cabin Fever,” everyone (and I mean the whole town!) is in on the secret so our plucky hero has to make it out all by himself.

Yeah. It was all pretty pointless. I could have gotten into the movie a lot more if at least one of the backpackers besides our hero had been allowed to live thus giving our him a goal to work towards besides just escaping the horror of the torture chamber. The inclusion and rescue of the Japenese girl is meant to give us this but is handled so badly in set up and execution that it’s totally laughable. Laughable too is the series of events that lets our hero get revenge on all the main baddies at the end of the film. Roth just rolls them out one after another (with no real reason) so they can be offed and we can feel “justice” has been served. Let’s just forget that the torture warehouse is still in full swing with even more folks being kidnapped and killed as our hero rides the Eurail to safety.

The concept of toursists being capture and sold for torture and murder is a pretty interesting idea and could have made a nice horror film. It’s just a shame that it wasn’t treated in a more “mature” manner with less breasts and more scares.

Hostel: A Review

Some Daily Randomness

“Serenity” DVD:
The major coolness is the audio commentary by Joss Whedon. It’s some good, good stuff. The other extras are a little too scrimpy for my taste especially since Universal knows how rabid the fan base for the show/movie is. There are a few featurettes and some deleted scenes. Whoo. [That’s said with sarcasm.] I imagine the reason for the so-so extras goes back to the fact that the movie wasn’t a smash hit in theatrical release.

Spring Street Cafe in Sylva:
Went and had dinner with Michelle and a few folks from the OITM Yahoo Group. Spring Street has good food and it was made even better last night with what went down. My $20 entree apparently had a smaller portion of meat than they normally do, so it was gonna be discounted to $16. Then, one of the ladies with a similar meat dish to mine didn’t like her portion (she said the meat part was just “bad”). I told them mine was just fine ’cause it was, but the waitress came back and said we would both be discounted to $8 for the entree. Yow! My $30 meal (with drinks) ended up being $15. So, there’s some holiday cheer for me.

Christmas Weekend Movies coming from Netflix:
“The Old Dark House” Directed by James Whale (1932)
“White Zombie” Directed by Victor Halperin (1932)
“Haxan: Witchcraft Through the Ages” Directed by Benjamin Christensen (1922)

Kenneth Branagh’s “Hamlet” on DVD next year:
Yes! The four-hour, epic movie version of “Hamlet” directed by Kenneth Branagh will finally see the light of day on dvd next year. The movie features excellent performances from Branagh, Derek Jacobi, Julie Christie and Kate Winslet (amoung many, many others). The movie also holds a special place in my heart ’cause I got to see it in 70-MM in it’s theatrical run. Spectacular!

“Wolf Creek” in Theaters:
Hmmmmm. Might have to check out “Wolf Creek” as it’s been getting more good reviews than bad. I still find it interesting that a horror movie is being released on Christmas day. I think the last horror offering that got a major Chritsmas release was the super crappy “Dracula 2000.”

Some Daily Randomness

Horror Double Shot

King/Hills
Coming in Early 2006:

“Cell” (January 24th)
Stephen King’s new novel in which cell phone signals turn people into something “savage, murderous, unthinking … and on a wanton rampage.” Hmmmm. Sounds like “28 Days Later” with people’s cell phones being the carrier. It could be the perfect horror novel for all of us cell phone haters.

“The Hills Have Eyes” (March 10th)
Yet another entry into Hollywood’s attempt to remake every single good horror movie ever made. What makes this one look so interesting is that it’s being helmed (directing and writing) by Alexandre Aja … the mastermind behind “Haute Tension.” Plus, bonus points are awarded ’cause the cast includes Emilie de Ravin of “Lost” fame.~

Horror Double Shot

Now On Video (Deja Vu)

Mr. Reynolds
Mr. Reynolds
Since it’s now out on video, I would like to remind you all that the true stars of the “has-its-moments” remake of “The Amityville Horror” are Ryan Reynolds’ abs and chest. The creepy house get some points too but not nearly as many as Ryan Reynolds’ abs and chest. Have I mentioned just how delicious Ryan Reynolds’ abs and chest are in this movie? Very delicious.

Now On Video (Deja Vu)

Now On Video

Abs, Baby!
Since it’s now out on video, I would like to remind you all that the true stars of the “has-its-moments” remake of “The Amityville Horror” are Ryan Reynolds’ abs and chest. The creepy house get some points too but not nearly as many as Ryan Reynolds’ abs and chest. Have I mentioned just how delicious Ryan Reynolds’ abs and chest are in this movie? Very delicious. Continue reading “Now On Video” →

Now On Video

Get HELLBENT!

Hellbent
“Hellbent” gets the start of its limited release this coming weekend. For those of you with your head in the sand, “Hellbent” is being touted as the “first ever gay slasher film.” But, it appears that all the early reviews of the film are downplaying the gay aspect and calling it one of the better slasher films that’s been made recently. Coolness!!!

Get HELLBENT!

Buzz, Buzz!

The Fly: Special Edition
Dear sweet Jebus! I am so pumped for the upcoming (October 4th, people!) 2 Disc Special Edition dvd realease of David Cronenberg’s “The Fly.” Don’t get me wrong … ’cause I love the original version from 1958 with Vincent Price. But, this a Cronenberg movie!!! ‘Nuff said.

The new Special Edition will include:
David Cronenberg Commentary
3 Production Documentaries
Deleted Scenes with Storyboard and Script Comparisons
Never-Before-Seen Alternate Ending
Rare Test Footage
Original Short Story
Original and Revised Screenplays
Interactive Articles
Galleries

Buzz, Buzz!