Wow. I have made a whopping six posts this year. I suppose that is a testament to how my year has gone so far and to where my mental state is as well.<\/p>\n
It’s been a long year. Like, REALLY long.<\/p>\n
Without going into the specifics, the knocks to my mental health started last July and intensified over the winter, spring, and summer. It feels like it’s non-stop because it’s a weekly barrage of little things that make me question everything, from my talent as a graphic designer to how people treat me as a friend to my fitness to be in any relationship.<\/p>\n
Most days I feel like my presence is a drag on just about everyone I know. I feel disposable. I feel unheard and ignored past what favors and menial tasks I can do for people. I walk around and it feels like there is a big black cloud hanging over everything. I can’t even count the number of times I have been on the verge of tears or outright had a full-on meltdown. It’s hard to focus on any plans more than a day ahead of time now. I am just trying to get through the day that is happening before I can focus on what’s coming next. The future feels like a big black void. I am sleepwalking through life right now.<\/p>\n
The sad thing is that I know good stuff is happening. My brain just can’t process the good stuff because it’s so focused on the negative. It sucks and I know I need therapy or meds or some life-altering event (like a lottery win) to fix things.<\/p>\n
Anyhoo. I am going to try and get back to some regular posting on here. I mean, why pay for the hosting if you aren’t going to use it?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Wow. I have made a whopping six posts this year. I suppose that is a testament to how my year has gone so far and to where my mental state is as well. It’s been a long year. Like, REALLY long. Without going into the specifics, the knocks to my mental health started last July […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9613","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-daily"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p8EnCu-2v3","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theboywonder.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9613","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theboywonder.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theboywonder.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theboywonder.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theboywonder.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=9613"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.theboywonder.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9613\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9619,"href":"https:\/\/www.theboywonder.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9613\/revisions\/9619"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theboywonder.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=9613"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theboywonder.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=9613"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theboywonder.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=9613"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}